Ansem Leap
by Patches
Summary: Theorizing that one could become one with the darkness by casting off his body, Ansem stepped into the Heartless accelerator... and screwed himself over. Now everyone from Kairi to Crono to Quasimodo wants to kick his butt. Cid, save us!
1. Chapters From a Self Help Booklet

Although this will end up being a massive crossover, I've tried to write it so that you only have to be familiar with Kingdom Hearts to understand what's going on (although you'd probably be able to appreciate some of the gags more if you're familiar with the other references as well ^_^).

Everything that appears in here is not mine, and is copyright Disney and/or Squaresoft or Donald P. Bellisario.

**Ansem Leap**  
Part 1: "Chapters From a Self-Help Booklet" 

* * *

"No admittance. Violators will be fed to Darkside."

So read the sign on the door to the laboratory on the top floor of Hollow Bastion castle. Cid paid it no mind (for he never did) and pushed the door open with his shoulder, as he was carrying a tray of hash browns and orange juice. Nothing like a little breakfast to start another morning of research and experimentation.

Cid was happy that the king had singled him out to be his assistant. Indeed, the name Cid was hardly uncommon in the world of Hollow Bastion, as roughly a dozen men of similar professions shared that name. Being the youngest, at just over 20, Cid certainly had a lot to live up to, and was glad to have this opportunity to prove himself to the king.

Cid kicked the door closed with his heel upon entering and smiled widely. "Good morning, everyone!" he announced to the denizens of the laboratory, which consisted entirely of machinery. Oh, how Cid loved his machinery. While the king came up with the theories, Cid designed the machines to test them. Therefore, his creations had greatly multiplied and found happy little homes in all corners of the lab.

"Good morning, Joselyn!" he chirped, patting an automated surgical device. The device did nothing in reply, but Cid was certain it had appreciated the gesture. He continued to the MRI-like tube and greeted it with, "Why, good morning, Rosalita!" The MRI also did not respond, but Cid knew it had feelings for him.

Setting the tray down on the lab bench, Cid approached the large computer in the back of the room. Waving heartily, he shouted, "Good morning, Ziggy!"

"Bite me," replied the computer in a monotone, female voice. Cid sighed in disappointment. Somehow, he thought that his relationship with Ziggy just was not working out. Although she always did what she was told, she certainly never sounded like she enjoyed her work.

All this was normal, of course, but Cid was beginning to feel that something else was amiss. Usually the king would have given him a dirty look by now for babying his inventions, or at least ordered him to go work on something. But, alas, the king had given no such response. He hardly ever left the laboratory anymore, so obsessed with his research he was. Granted, this did little to help his public image, as most of his subjects by now figured he'd either abandoned them or died. But as long as science was involved, Cid didn't really care what the king was up to.

Turning back to Ziggy, Cid queried, "Uh, where's the king?"

After some beeping and whirring, Ziggy helpfully responded, "There is a 93.2% chance that he is not here."

Cid sulked. Leave it to Ziggy to state the obvious, along with some made-up statistic.

He wandered over to the king's desk, hopeful that he'd left some sort of note or other such indication as to his whereabouts. After some rummaging, he came across a few loose pieces of paper, each with the title "Ansem Report" scrawled in the corner. Thank goodness the king still had the sense to keep notes.

Cid plopped down in the office chair there and rolled aimlessly around the lab while reading through the reports. Most of them were simply summaries of what they'd been up to until this point, so weren't terribly useful. Finally, he got to the last page of the reports and read the last line.

"I shall seek out the wielder of the Keyblade and the Princesses. My body is too frail for such a journey but I must do this. I will cast it off and plunge into the depths of the darkness."

Cid stared at this page flatly for a moment, occasionally turning it over to see if there was any more. Nope, that was it. No methodology, no timeline, no results, nada. If this was the king's desire, well, so be it, but the least he could do was tell someone what he had done in case something went wrong. Lack of notes made experiments hard to reproduce.

"Hey, Ziggy," said Cid, waving the final page in the air, "What was the king up to last night?"

"I wasn't paying attention," replied Ziggy in a monotone. This, of course, was a lie, since the computer was monitoring the happenings in the lab at all times, but she had probably stored the information in some obscure folder just to be difficult. Cid certainly had his work cut out for him.

Rising from the chair and tossing the stack of useless reports out the window, Cid snapped his goggles over his eyes and darkly announced, "Let's find the king."

* * *

Meanwhile, on another side, another story, Riku was executing a deep dive in search of a special secret. There was absolutely no reason for him to be doing this except to make one huge pun, so he surfaced and swam ashore.

On the shore sat Sora and Kairi, building a sand castle. Now, Riku had figured Kairi to be evil the moment he saw her, but considering his own inner bad-ass, he decided that this was pretty cool, so thought little of it. Sora, on the other hand, was quite possibly as far from being evil as a human is likely to get. However, due to that old saying that opposites attract, the three of them had ended up the best of friends.

"There!" announced Sora, patting the final clump of sand into the side of the castle, while Kairi added a little lift platform to the outside (for she insisted that castles all must come with lift platforms suspended on wires of energy). "What should the name of our castle be?"

"Castle Anthrax!" suggested Kairi, excitedly. Receiving some weird looks from the other two, she shrugged sheepishly and admitted, "It's not a very good name, is it?"

"How about Highwind Castle?" said Riku. For some reason, he was really stuck on the name "Highwind", naming everything from his sword to his shoes to his toothbrush "Highwind". Turning to Sora, he asked, "What do you think it should be called?"

Sora crossed his arms in deep thought. A little text box appeared in front of him, prompting him to enter the name of the sand castle. After some more thought, he finally submitted the brilliant name, "Castle".

"'Castle Castle'?" wondered Riku, raising an eyebrow. He certainly didn't want his precious word "Highwind" to be beaten out by something that obvious. The only way to settle this would be a ridiculous challenge that really had nothing to do with the matter at hand.

Before he could suggest such a thing, an errant wave came ashore and wiped the castle off the face of Destiny Island. The three stared blankly at the wet mound of sand left in its place for a moment, until Sora simply grinned and said, "Oh well! Whaddaya wanna do now?"

Kairi was about to suggest digging for oysters when she beeped. The lack of a startled reaction from the boys indicated that this was a normal thing for her, though.

"Oh, is it time for your, um, 'Secret Girly No-Boys-Allowed' thing?" wondered Sora, poking his finger to his temple in thought. Riku sighed in embarrassment, not really wanting to get into the private life of girls. He already knew more than he really cared to.

Kairi sighed in annoyance and trotted behind a rock, knowing that the boys had already learned not to follow her or ask questions. She tapped on her bracelet and a little monitor popped up. The image was riddled with static, but since the transmission was crossing worlds, this was to be expected.

"What do you want now, old man?" Kairi muttered into the receiver. "I've been looking for the Keyblade Master like you told me to, so what more do you want from me?"

"Hiiiiii, Kairi!" came a voice that was waaay too chipper to be Ansem. Well, maybe he'd had too much coffee. He'd been pulling all-nighters as of late, making caffeine essential to his survival. Instead, the face of a young man with ruffled blonde hair, blue eyes, and mechanical goggles popped on the screen. "It's me, Cid! The king's not here right now, which is why I called you."

Kairi facefaulted and ended up hitting her head on the rock she was hiding behind. "Cid?! Whaddaya mean he's not there? The guy would sooner wet his pants than leave that lab!"

"Those were my thoughts as well, but he's gone missing," explained Cid. "All I know is that he's cast off his body so he could become one with the darkness or something. Since you're involved in the project, too, I was wondering if you had any idea what that might mean."

Kairi shrugged nonchalantly and replied, "He's probably trying to become a Heartless." She paused a moment, blinking at a sudden realization. "Hey! I thought he said he was gonna come get me when I found the Keyblade Master! No fair! I don't wanna be stuck on this dumb little island forever!"

"Calm down, please, ma'am!" said Cid, waving frantically on the little monitor. "I understand how you feel, but I don't believe the king became a Heartless, or else Loren would've registered him." He held up a little device that kept track of the number of Heartless currently wandering around Hollow Bastion.

Kairi's eyebrow twitched. "You're still naming everything?" she muttered. "But if he didn't turn into a Heartless, then... was he trying to come and get me?" She poked her head over the rock and observed Sora and Riku bashing at each other with sticks. "But that means... one of them must be the Keyblade Master!"

"Perhaps that is the case," said Cid, shrugging helplessly. "But if the king intended to come get you, I would think he'd have arrived there by now. He disappeared over a week ago."

The background behind Kairi went dark and cracked, as a shadow appeared over her eyes. She was dead silent for a moment, as Cid pensively awaited her reaction to this. Finally, Kairi's face appeared to grow MUCH larger than it actually was, her eyes were set ablaze, and she almost appeared to grow fangs.

"You had better FIND that no-good excuse for a king and tell him to get his butt over here PRONTO or else I'm gonna get back to the castle MYSELF and grind him into HEARTLESS FEED! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!"

Cid, on the other hand, appeared to become very tiny as he meekly replied, "Y... yes, ma'am!" His image blipped off the screen and Kairi slapped her bracelet shut in an annoyed fashion. She sat there pouting for a while before she realized that no amount of screaming or threatening was going to bring Ansem back. Therefore, she'd have to make good on her threat and bring the Keyblade Master back to Hollow Bastion herself.

Sora and Riku watched Kairi emerge from behind the rock. Sora shivered momentarily and whispered to Riku, "I'm sure glad I don't have girly problems. She was screaming real loud that time." Riku nodded in solemn agreement.

Kairi skipped over to the two and smiled sweetly, all traces of her earlier bout either gone or cleverly masked. "Boys!" she said, grinning at them so forcefully that it looked like it made her face hurt. Sora and Riku gulped, not really sure what to expect.

"Let's go on... an adventure!"

* * *

"Yaaaaawwwwwnnnn..."

"Stop that! They'll be here soon enough."

Ansem sat up and draped his legs over the cliff, watching the world float by beneath him. He wasn't terribly sure what happened. He figured that becoming an existence of only the heart would lead him to Kingdom Hearts, but apparently something had gone amiss. Instead, he'd ended up on some sort of flying island. He found himself in the company of an old man with long white hair and a long beard, dressed in extravagant red and black clothing. The old man was apparently an emperor who was trying to take over the world or something, by using the power of three stone statues that were also on this flying chunk of land.

However, he apparently couldn't put his plan into motion until some members of a rebellion group tried to stop them. Thus, they'd been sitting there twiddling their thumbs for the past week and a half while the enemy group was undoubtedly leveling up or going on side quests on the ground.

Ansem really had no interest in the Emperor's meddlings, but being on a flying island, there really wasn't any other place to go. After a few days of complaining, he'd finally resigned himself to just waiting until the enemy party came.

That wasn't the only unnerving thing. A number of days ago, a rainstorm had not only drenched him (there wasn't really any shelter on this chunk of rock. Passages underground immediately popped him out on some other section of the island), but he'd caught a glimpse of his reflection in a puddle. And it wasn't what he remembered himself looking like.

He'd screamed the first time he saw it. The facepaint. The blonde hair. The gaudy green outfit. He ran around screaming incoherently for a while after that, but the Emperor's reaction seemed to indicate there was nothing unusual about this. Referring to both his appearance AND his attitude.

After some deep thought, Ansem surmised that his heart must have possessed someone else's physical form rather than be content to exist on its own. But he had no recollection of a place like this in Hollow Bastion. He must have crossed into another world.

"Wooooooow!" came a voice from beside him. He turned and saw a young man with ruffled blonde hair, a tight blue shirt and shorts, knee and elbow pads, and a large metal contraption around his chest looking over the edge of the floating continent. "This is simply amazing! How is it done?"

Ansem pointed at him. "Wait, aren't you...?"

"Cid!" said Cid, happily. "And I've finally found you, your majest.... EEEEEEEE!!" Cid leapt backwards when he caught site of Ansem's new appearance. Unfortunately, the direction of backwards did not have any land under it, and Cid would certainly be splattered on the surface of the planet miles below.

Instead, he just hovered there, as if still standing on solid ground. He looked down and noticed this. Shrugging, Cid stepped back onto the landmass and popped open a panel on the metal contraption on his chest. "I guess I'll have to re-work the boundary system in the holo-room a little," he admitted, tapping away on the keyboard.

"Cid! How the heck did you get here?" Ansem demanded, grabbing his assistant by the collar. Or, at least, he tried to, but he passed right through the young scientist.

"Whoops, sorry about that, your majesty!" said Cid. "I forgot to tell you that I only exist as a hologram. I compiled all of Ziggy's data on you to trace the characteristic waves of your heart and synched them with my own. Therefore, I can be projected straight into your heart, appearing as a hologram that only you can see and hear. See?" He bounded over to the Emperor and ran in circles around him, occasionally sticking his arm through the Emperor's head. The Emperor never noticed a thing.

Ansem stood there momentarily, thinking that that was kinda neat, but he needed to get back to the matter at hand. He was nowhere near Kingdom Hearts OR becoming one with darkness. Something needed to be done to remedy this.

"How do I get out of here?" Ansem asked.

Cid tapped at his console a little more, then shook his head. "Ziggy doesn't know." Ansem smacked his forehead at Cid's incessant need to name all his machines. "However," Cid continued, "She says that there's a 52.8% chance that if you seal off this world, your heart will go elsewhere."

Ansem sulked. "'Elsewhere' as in back to Hollow Bastion, or 'elsewhere' as in to some other crazy world?"

Cid poked the keyboard a few more times. "She just says 'elsewhere'."

Ansem was in the process of thinking that he had royally screwed himself over this time when the Emperor shouted, "They're finally here! Kefka, get ready!"

"I guess 'Kefka' must be the name of the person whose body you've taken over," Cid mused. Ansem's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "But according to Ziggy, you need to effectively play the part of the person you've taken over to have a higher chance of getting out of here."

"Fine," Ansem grumbled, standing beside the Emperor. "What about 'sealing off the world'? How exactly do I do that? And if that 'Ziggy' of yours gives me some lame-brained statistic, don't bother telling me!" Cid was silent.

Ansem fumed and glared at the group of three that had just appeared before him. One was a woman with long blonde hair, a white cape, and a green leotard. The second was a man with short dark hair, a bandana, and a leather vest and pants. The third was a man with a blonde ponytail wearing an extravagant blue outfit and cape. These were the people who threatened Emperor Gestahl so? Well, if he was supposed to be in character (although he had no idea who this 'Kefka' character was), he figured he might as well give the role a try.

"I HATE YOU!" he shouted dramatically, pointing at the group ahead of him. Receiving a nonchalant look, he surmised that this was the sort of thing they expected of Kefka. He grinned.

"Celes!" shouted Emperor Gestahl. "Why did you betray us? Fight for us now, and we will overlook your treachery!" As he said this, beams of power erupted from the statues behind them, freezing the other two party members in place.

Ansem blinked in confusion, then quickly worked out that the woman "Celes" must have been an Imperial soldier at some point but had turned against the Empire. Going with the cliche, Ansem commanded, "Prove your loyalty to us by killing the others!" What a load of BS. But it apparently had some effect.

Celes held a sword over her frozen comrades, while obviously mentally fighting with herself. Ansem rolled his eyes, knowing that of course she wasn't going to kill them. She'd come to a final decision shortly, throw down the sword, help her friends escape, and be unswayed by the Empire's suggestions forevermore. Blah blah.

Unfortunately, that wasn't quite how it went. Rather than the ground, the next location of Celes's sword was Ansem/Kefka's stomach. Ansem looked down in shock. Yup, there was a sword in his stomach. It sure was uncomfortable. The only thing he could think of to say was, "Ow!" He looked up at Celes, at a loss for words. So, he fell back on the tried and true. "I HATE YOU!"

Ansem ripped the sword out of his stomach and tossed it aside. Well, at least he tried to. The next thing he heard was "OW!", and he looked over to see Emperor Gestahl staggering backwards. He staggered a little too much and ended up falling over the side of the floating continent, shouting, "Holy craaaaaaaappp!"

Ansem's lip twitched in disbelief. "Oops." He may have had a thing for darkness and Heartless and all, but he wasn't really the homicidal type.

"Are you okay, your majesty?" said Cid, appearing next to him. Ansem jumped at the man's sudden appearance, then checked himself over. Remarkably, he didn't appear to have any lasting injuries. This Kefka fellow sure was a force to be reckoned with.

"Look, Cid," grumbled Ansem, "I'm not any closer to getting out of this crazy world and this crazy man's body, so you can tell Ziggy where to stick it and I'll get out of here my own way!"

Cid was somewhat taken aback, but queried, "What did you have in mind?"

Ansem turned to Celes and her friends. "Look, I'm supposed to be their enemy, right? Instead, why don't I just let them escape? The Universe already seems pretty ticked off at me, but if I mess it up even more, maybe it'll have the sense to boot me outta here."

"But, Ziggy says there's a..."

"I don't CARE what Ziggy says!" roared Ansem. He looked at the two men that were still held in place by the magical field. Since the field originated from the statues, he figured that if he just pushed the statues off the cliff, the field would disappear and the group would be able to get away.

Ansem rolled up his sleeves and braced himself against the closest statue, pushing it towards the cliff.

"Oh, that's real smart, Kefka," came Celes's voice. "Disturb their delicate balance and they'll go haywire!"

Ansem bumped his head against the statue he was pushing. "Heh?" Come to think of it, he had no idea what these statue thingies were, or why they were so important. Messing with things he didn't fully understand was what got him into this mess in the first place, so maybe...

He didn't have time to think as a man dressed as a ninja came flying in and knocked him into the center of the three statues. The statues released their hold on the other party members as the ninja pushed one of the statues towards Ansem, pinning him between them.

"CIIIIIDDD!" Ansem shouted, trying to pry himself out from between the statues. Fortunately, he was shaken loose when the ground started to rumble and give way.

Cid came bounding over to him, completely oblivious to the quaking rocks. "Your majesty, you've done it!" Ansem gave him a blank look as Cid tapped frantically on his console. "According to Ziggy, there's an 88.4% chance that destroying a world or completely messing it up is the key to sealing it off. Apparently the balance of those statues was what was holding this world together."

Ansem continued to look blankly at Cid. "Heh?"

He didn't have time to say much else, as he was engulfed in a rush of darkness. Ah, darkness. It was what he most desired. It felt just like when he had discarded his body initially. This must mean that he was finally ridding himself of Kefka's body and going "elsewhere". Hopefully this meant Hollow Bastion.

* * *

Ansem opened his eyes groggily and rubbed his forehead. Bright. It was far too bright. This definitely wasn't Hollow Bastion. It was loud, too. It sounded like there was some sort of festival going on, and he was in the middle of it.

He finally focused on the outside world and noticed a female dancer in front of him. She had dark skin and cascades of black hair tied back in a ponytail. She was wearing a suggestive red dress and twirling a patterned piece of purple silk.

Without warning, the dancer jumped into his lap and wrapped the piece of silk around the back of his head, caressing his face. Ansem gulped, and muttered to himself, "Oh boy..."

* * *

* * *

Just a note, since I'm sure most people reading this don't know: The Cid in this fic is from the recent TV show "Final Fantasy: Unlimited" (currently, the only way you'll find this series State-side is through fansubs). The role was originally going to be given to Lucca from Chrono Trigger, but after a suggestion from a friend, Cid Unlimited seemed to be a better fit ^_^*. 


	2. I Had Trouble With The Fireplace

**Ansem Leap**  
Part 2: "I Had a Little Trouble With the Fireplace" 

* * *

Ansem wasn't terribly sure he _wanted_ to know where he ended up this time. At the moment, he had a female dancer in his lap, caressing his cheek provocatively. He gulped and receded into his chair, wholly unused to this kind of contact with other human beings. And thought he hated to admit it, he didn't terribly dislike this sensation, either. 

Fortunately, he didn't have to worry about what to do with himself, because not a second later, the dancer mockingly shoved away from him, planting the heel of her hand firmly in his face. Ansem blinked in confusion momentarily, then growled at his treatment. So, it had just been an act? He was thoroughly relieved by this, although a teeny tiny part of his mind teetered on disappointment. 

The girl's dance ended, while Ansem sulked in his chair. People around him were dressed in brightly-colored costumes, drinking beer, and generally having a merry old time. Ansem hardly got out enough anymore to remember what these "festival" things were, and he couldn't help but feel out of place. Unfortunately, he had no idea what kind of person he had "leaped" into, and thus really didn't know what was expected of him here. He took a little comfort in the fact that no one seemed bothered by his grouchy attitude. 

"Ahhhh, that was some performance, eh, Your Majesty?" 

Ansem nearly had a heart attack as Cid suddenly popped into existence right next to him. Once Ansem's blood pressure had righted itself, he turned angrily to Cid and demanded, "Don't DO that!" 

Cid rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment, grinning sheepishly. "Sorry about that, Highness, but it's kinda hard for me to announce myself before I show up." He opened up the panel on his chest pack and tapped at the keys absently. "Thankfully, you were pretty easy to find this time." 

"So, what happened?" said Ansem, pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to ward off the migraine that was threatening to overtake his already battered senses. "Last thing I knew I was on that ridiculous floating continent, and now I'm sitting in the middle of the world's largest outdoor tavern." 

"Yeah, isn't it great?" Cid exclaimed, watching the merriment as a gangly stick of a man sifted through the crowd, pulling people wearing various hideous masks onto the stage. "This place is certainly more exciting than that last place." Cid blinked, then suddenly remembered he was supposed to be checking something and returned to his mad typing. "Ah, anyway, Ziggy isn't quite sure why you were thrown to yet another world." 

Ansem buried his face in his hand and sighed in irritation. "I thought you said I was supposed to mess things up for a world in order to leave. Didn't I 'upset the balance' or something while I was there?" 

"Apparently, yes," commented Cid absently, still throwing statistics into his portable console. "However, Ziggy says there's an 88.1% chance that what you did was actually _supposed_ to happen." He stopped typing momentarily to crack his knuckles and commented, "But, regardless, until we know exactly what allows you to leave a world, you should probably play the part of whomever's body you've inhabited. It worked last time, after all." 

Ansem turned his head away from Cid in disgust. "Feh. I don't even know WHO this guy is! The only way I'll know I'm doing something wrong is if everyone suddenly goes silent and stares at me!" 

Strangely, as if on cue, the entire crowd did indeed go silent. Ansem gripped the arms of his chair, hoping that he wasn't supposed to be doing something other than sitting at this point. Cautiously, he turned his attention to the crowd, and let out a sigh of relief when he noticed that their attention was focused somewhere other than on him. Looking up, he noticed the object of their attention was an absolutely hideous creature of a man, wearing an old green shirt and tight leather pants. His face was hideously deformed, and he was hunched over like an old man on a walker. 

"What a fascinating specimen," Ansem commented, the hunchback also gaining his full attention. He wondered inwardly what the crowd's reaction to this person would be. He knew that human hearts tended to shun what they did not understand, and wouldn't be at all surprised if this scene turned violent and inhumane. 

"People, people, don't panic!" came the assuring voice of the jester-clothed gangly man from before. "We asked for the ugliest face in Paris, and here he is! Quasimodo, the hunchback of Notre Dame!" 

For some reason, this illicited a cheer from the crowd, and Ansem could only sit back and watch, dumbfounded, as they hoisted the misshapen man on their shoulders and paraded him around the square. The fickleness of the human heart... he was certain he'd understood this aspect of it. 

"What a great party!" Cid cheered. "These people sure don't have the types of prejudices our studies predicted, sir! Perhaps we were wrong in assuming that hearts were essentially filled with darkness." 

Ansem growled and swiped his hand in a motion to grab Cid by the arm, but the act was utterly futile, as he'd forgotten that Cid didn't "exist" as a physical body in this world, but simply as a holographic projection directly into his heart. "How DARE you question my research!" he spat. "This incident is obviously not representative of the norm! In large groups such as these, human hearts resort to their basest, darkest instincts!" 

This, however, did not appear to be the case, as the hunchback, now revealed to be named Quasimodo, stood joyfully on the stage while the crowd cheered his name. Something wasn't normal. Something wasn't right. Something would have to break this. 

Out of seemingly nowhere, a tomato flew from the crowd and hit Quasimodo square in the face. After a shocked gasp from the rest of the audience, more vegetables followed. The change in heart spread quickly, and the laughs from the people on the street went from joyous to mocking. 

Ansem lifted his head and smiled smugly to himself. As he had predicted, the darkness of the heart had won over. Cid stood by helplessly, nervously twiddling his thumbs. 

"Well, they were acting nice for a little while, at least," he commented lamely. That idealistic boy would never understand the true nature of the heart. Let this be a lesson to him next time he decides to challenge hard-researched conclusions. 

"Sir, request permission to stop this cruelty!" The voice did not come from Cid, but rather a golden-armored soldier standing on the street. 

Ansem paid the soldier no mind, simply saying, "In a moment. A lesson needs to be learned here." Cid flinched visibly, knowing how much the king liked to rub it in. 

However, the crowd had suddenly gone silent again. Looking up, Ansem gasped as he noticed the torture had ceased. Standing with the deformed boy was the dancer who had mocked him before. She unwrapped her shawl and began cleaning off Quasimodo's face, seemingly unafraid of his monstrous appearance. 

This wasn't right. He could almost feel Cid beaming with happiness beside him. There was no way he was going to let some disrespectful wench disprove his theories. 

Rising angrily, Ansem pointed at the girl, demanding, "You, girl! Get away from there!" 

"Certainly, your Excellency," she replied, standing. "Just as soon as I free this poor creature." 

"Your Excellency", huh? So, he was in a position of power, yet this common girl dared to speak to him in such a way? "You dare to defy me?" he growled. Well, if he had power, he might as well use it. NO ONE treated King Ansem that way. And since Cid currently had no physical form to beat down, he'd have to settle on the disobedient dancer instead. "Guards, arrest her!" he commanded. He grinned smugly as the guards did indeed obey his orders and proceeded to surround the dark-skinned girl. 

"Sir, what are you doing?" wondered Cid, casting the King a worried look. "I mean, if you think this is how the part should be played, I guess I can't say anything against it, but..." 

Ansem crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow disdainfully at his lowly assistant. "Oh? I don't see anyone else here complaining about how I'm doing things. I think I'm actually starting to like the position I've been thrown into." 

And thrown he was. Apparently the girl had put up a fight with the guards, and much chaos had been ensuing while he was gloating to Cid. Two horsemen holding a long bar between them had come racing towards his seat, effectively toppling the entire complex as they passed. Ansem was knocked completely over and buried under a tent as the girl made her escape, the idiot horsemen in pursuit. 

Ansem felt like he'd lost all sanity as he pulled himself out from under the offending tarp. He didn't understand why, but an unspeakable rage was building, quenching all logical thought. He'd never felt himself lose control like this. It was as if... something had been keeping it sealed up, but had been removed. 

Looking into his hands, he noticed he was holding a poofy, black hat with a red ribbon attached to it. He vaguely remembered the sensation of something being on his head before, so assumed that this was indeed supposed to be his hat. As soon as he put it on, logical thought came rushing back to him. Odd. 

Deciding to perform a small experiment, Ansem tentatively removed the hat. For no logical reason, he felt his sanity start to slip away. Upon replacing the hat, he returned to his normal, calm state. Fascinating. He wondered if he'd have enough time in this world to fully study the effects of this strange hat. Best to keep it on, though. 

On to more important matters, he still needed to find that insolent girl. She had said impudence to him, and that was impudence. He noticed that his gold-armored guard had entered the cathedral. There was probably a reason for this besides an afternoon prayer, so he decided to follow and investigate. 

Sure enough, his well-to-do golden guard had apparently cornered the dancer girl within the cathedral. "Good work," he commended his underling. "Now hand her over to me." 

"I can't do that, sir. She claims sanctuary," replied the guard, ever-so-respectfully. 

Ansem, on the other hand, didn't care if she claimed government asylum. "Just drag her outside, and--" 

"Frollo, you will not touch her!" came a stern voice. The cathedral's archdeacon rounded the corner and shooed the guards out of his holy place. He put a hand on the girl's shoulder and commented, "Don't worry. Judge Frollo learned long ago to respect the sanctity of the church." 

'Judge Frollo respects the sanctity of the church,' Ansem mimicked to himself mockingly under his breath. Well, he wasn't Frollo, so he didn't care! True, he was supposed to be acting the part, but... Oh well, Cid was probably wrong about that, too. 

Ansem turned away from the archdeacon and noticed a mirror on a pillar near the cathedral's door. Curious as to what he looked like in this form (and sincerely hoping it was better than Kefka), he made his way towards the door. Thinking he was leaving, the archdeacon turned his attention elsewhere. 

"I'm an old guy?!" Ansem spluttered, finally close enough to make out details about himself. He had no arguments about his attire, though. Flowing black robes were definitely more his style than that gaudy green cape. True, the hat was a tad much, but he'd realized that it held some special power over his mind. 

Turning away from the mirror, he noticed that the archdeacon had vanished, and the insolent girl had her back to him. Eeeexcellent. Ansem crept up behind her and wrenched her arm behind her back. This Frollo guy may have been old, but Ansem's own physical strength seemed to stay with him regardless of his body. 

Well, he had her. Now what? He hadn't really thought that through. If he didn't do something, the girl would probably start thinking he was just trying to feel her up. While the thought had crossed his mind for a fleeting second, he simply whispered into her ear, "You're lucky I don't kill you. But I'm feeling merciful today." With that, he released her and made his way towards the door. He could almost feel her confused stare piercing the back of his neck. No matter. He had other things to investigate. 

* * *

"Kairiiiii, where are we going?" Sora whined for the twentieth time. Being the "strong males", he and Riku had been forced to carry backpacks that were twice their size and three times as heavy. "What kinda stuff's packed in these, anyway?" 

Kairi spun on her heel and held up a warning finger. "Look, this could possibly end up being a really long... adventure... so we need to make sure we've got all the essentials!" 

"Uh huh," said Riku, unshouldering his pack, letting it fall to the ground with an earth-shattering THUD. He unzipped it and burrowed through its contents. After about two seconds of sifting, he unearthed what appeared to be a television set. "Umm... why exactly are we bringing THIS along?" 

"Duh!" said Kairi, cursing to herself at the stupidity of the male race. "I always watch the Saturday morning cartoons! The best way to keep healthy is to keep a routine! Sora's pack has a generator, antenna, and 500 AA batteries, so don't try to tell me it won't work!" 

Sora fell over, and to this day, no one was ever certain whether it was due to the contents of this revelation or his backpack itself. Either way, he moaned, "So, is there any food in there?" 

Kairi crossed her arms. "You're men! Why waste space carrying food when you can hunt and gather?" 

"You mean kill stuff?" said Sora, dumbfounded. He detached himself from his backpack and staggered forward, readjusting his balance due to the sudden lack of the ridiculous counterweight. "But, Kairi, I never killed anything here." 

"I'm sure it can't be that hard," said Riku, searching through the bushes. "Actually, wilderness survival sounds like my kind of thing. If you don't feel right killing stuff for food, then you can gather berries or something. I'll -- aha!" 

Riku leapt back as a squirrel scurried out of the bushes. With practiced precision, he smacked the squirrel with his wooden sword. The squirrel was dazed momentarily, allowing Riku to execute a combo move on it. The finishing swipe ended the fuzzy creature's life, and it exploded into a pile of little green balls. 

Now, the three children weren't too terribly familiar with death and all, but figured that this sort of thing was normal. Sora walked over to the pile of glowing green balls and poked at one with a stick. "So... can we eat these?" 

"If they come from an animal, you must be able to," commented Riku, picking one up. His eyes widened in shock as the glowing green ball absorbed into his skin a moment later, leaving a dull glow on his hand for a while. Strangely, it made him feel better, in a weird sort of way. 

"Really? Cool!" exclaimed Sora, plucking up a ball and stuffing it into his mouth. 

Kairi flinched at the boys' crudeness. "Eeew, you're eating them RAW?" She made a motion to roll up her sleeve, even though she didn't have sleeves. "Okay, it's time for some girl power! Stand back and let Kairi, master chef, prepare these into something more palatable." 

Sora swallowed the ball and looked blankly at her, not arguing. The things tasted like celery, with maybe a hint of apple, and had a metallic aftertaste. Hopefully if she cooked them, she could make them taste better. 

A few hours later, Kairi had an HP ball soup at a rolling boil over a fire. Sora had found a couple of coconuts, and Riku had contributed some bird's eggs. While the coconuts and eggs were a pleasant addition, the soup itself just tasted like hot water. Nevertheless, the children felt their strength return, even if their stomachs weren't full. 

"Such a mysterious world," Riku commented, lying on his back. "Even though we've lived here all our lives, I never knew that animals carried little green balls that make you strong when you touch them." He rolled over and looked over at Sora, who had neglected to bring a sleeping bag and was currently trying to find a comfortable spot inside his oversized backpack. "I wanna know what else is out there. We've lived cooped up for too long." 

"Hm? Hmmm," replied Sora, only half-listening, dumping about five dozen batteries out of the backpack to make room for his body. Once he was comfortably settled amongst the metallic capsules of reactive acid, he replied, "Well, Kairi's just tryin' to go home." 

Riku propped his chin on his hand and queried, "Why do you think that?" 

"Cuz Kairi came from the sky!" Sora replied excitedly. "When you look out across the ground, there's a place where the ground and sky touch! We've been moving towards that, so we must be going towards where you can get to the sky!" 

Riku's head lost its balance on his arm, and he found himself enjoying a late-night snack of dirt. Sora's childish and innocent logic never ceased to amaze him. And worry him about the future of humanity, if this was the kind of person the world would be inheriting. 

* * *

Ansem stood in a large room, empty save for some benches stacked in the corner. It was lit solely by a giant fireplace on one wall, casting eerie shadows all around. However, this fireplace was not currently the object of Ansem's attention. He stood firmly, determined to get to the bottom of this mystery. He had to be strong. He had to be quick-witted. Or it would spell disaster. 

Taking a deep breath, Ansem slowly and carefully... removed his hat. Such a power that could keep his sanity in check needed to be studied. However, studying it required removing it. He figured a large, empty room had few enough distractions to slow the process towards insanity. 

Unfortunately, the fireplace was enough of a distraction. As soon as he turned his attention away from the hat in his hands, he became fixated on the flames, letting the hat fall to the ground with a soft thump. 

It was too late. The lack of hat alone was enough to skew his mind. He began seeing strange figures taking shape in the flame. Some resembled birds, while others, strangely, started looking like that insolent dancer girl. Ah, the dancer girl. She was lovely. He wanted to kill her. He wanted to smite her and grind her to dust. He wanted to burn her to ashes. 

Such homicidal thoughts were not usually part of Ansem's routine, but his hatlessness had gotten the better of him. This was one trippy experience, as giant demonic creatures rose from the fire and encircled him, demanding he give them cheese. Ansem didn't have any cheese! He clutched his head as he began degenerating further into madness. 

The hat. He needed to put the hat back on. Groggily, he searched around the room, until he half-focused on a fuzzy black and red shape on the floor behind him. Hat? His brain seemed to no longer even register the word "hat". 

He reached for it, futilely. The serious vertigo brought on by the hallucinations overloaded his brain when he made this sudden movement. Upon overload, his brain simply shut down, leaving him falling towards the floor. Falling... falling... falling still... 

* * *

He was on the floor. There was fire all around him. However, the cloudiness in his head had begun to subside. Absently, he felt his head and noted that there was no hat there. Perhaps he had defeated the control of the hat? 

Sitting up, Ansem noticed that he was no longer in his empty room. The fire around him glowed blue rather than red, and was arranged in a circle of torches. He held his head and got to his feet, surveying his new surroundings. Logic returned to him, and he surmised he must have "leaped" again into another new world, another new body. 

Save for the blue torches encircling him, this room was dark and empty. He could vaguely make out the image of a statue in front of him, beyond the circle, but paid it little mind. He supposed the best thing to do in this situation was wait for someone to come to him. 

It didn't take long. The metallic "clink" of a sword behind him drew his attention. He turned, and for a moment, was sure he was tripping out again. There stood a frog, clothed in armor and a green cape, sword drawn and looking at him menacingly. 

Ansem blinked groggily and hung his head, muttering, "Oh boy." 

* * *

* * *

Um, yay. The whole "Frollo's hat" thing is just a kind of dumb joke some of my friends and I noticed after watching "Hunchback of Notre Dame" too many times. We all loved to pick on Frollo, and noticed that he tended to go crazy whenever he was missing his hat. Note the fireplace scene. Note the ending. Case closed. 


	3. A letter! Shall we Burn It?

**Ansem Leap**  
Part 3: "A letter! Shall we burn it?" 

* * *

Ansem smacked his forhead and tried valiantly to resist the urge to tear his hair out (which he discovered he once again had an ample amount of, thank god). A group of traveling adventurers, he could deal with. The feisty dancer girl, she was a worthy opponent. But a FROG?! The Universe was laughing at him right now, he just knew it. Seemed to think that just because he decided to become a scientist, it automatically obligated him to work to better mankind. He was allowed a selfish act once in a while, right? Must he be punished so simply for being human? 

All this internal lamenting, of course, went unheard by the frog, who seemed to have only one objective in mind: to skewer Ansem on his shiny, pointy sword. This action, of course, was not on Ansem's agenda for the day, so once he had finally composed himself, he said the most intelligent thing he could think of at the moment: 

"Stupid frog..." 

The frog got into a fighting stance and replied, "I rather liketh this body, Magus, and I oweth it all to you." 

It could TALK?! And not only that... in olde English as well (either that, or it had a lisp)? ... It was that damn hat's fault. He was still tripping out. He had made it a point to never do drugs in his youth, but it looked like his mind was leaving him, regardless. 

In the meantime, the frog had been joined by two other companions: two humans, thankfully. One was a boy with ridiculously spikey red hair, and the other was a girl with a helmet and glasses. The two humans also assumed fighting stances, brandishing a katana and a gun, respectively. Jeez, what had this "Magus" fellow done to tick them off so much? Ansem wasn't terribly looking forward to a three-on-one fight, but it looked like he was running out of options. Like hell he was going to try reasoning with a frog. He had his pride, after all. 

Ansem stepped back and allowed the battle to get under way. However, he noticed that he apparently was supposed to choose a weakness. He had the ability to erect a barrier that blocked all but one of the four magical elements. Why the hell couldn't he just block them all if he could block any combination of three? Stupid magic... He selected lightning and stood at the ready. 

Unfortunately, the first attack came from the spikey red-head in the form of a lightning bolt. Ansem stood there for a moment, sizzled, but none the worse for wear. He growled and threw his own lightning bolt back, but his was MUCH bigger and hit all three members of the party. "Hey... neat!" Ansem thought to himself. Maybe this wasn't so bad after all. 

The next attack came from the frog, who slashed at him with his sword. Ansem winced and clutched his side. That hurt way more than it should have (of course, if he was any normal human being, he would have been dead just from the lightning bolt). Speaking of lightning bolts, maybe having that as his weakness was no good. So, this time around, he selected fire instead. 

Which, of course, turned out to be a crappy choice, since no sooner had he done that, the glasses girl hit him with a fireball. Could they READ his weakness or something? Not fair, not fair. How come THEY didn't get weaknesses? Fed up with this, he decided that he should try the good old power of darkness, and summoned a big, dark, spinny, thingamabobber that smacked the entire party. Ah, that felt good. 

The good feeling lasted only a second, as the frog and the spikey redhead double-teamed him and slashed at him simultaneously with their swords in a cross pattern. That, understandably, did not feel so good. Ansem collapsed to the ground, panting. "What... the heck was that?" 

A roar behind him was the reply. Oh god, NOW what? Whatever it was, it didn't sound terribly friendly. He turned and saw a gigantic blue portal opening behind him. Was he leaping out of this world already? It had never happened like THIS before, though. But, whatever it was, he was getting sucked into it, along with the three heroes who had stood before him. Well, wherever it was taking him, he just hoped there were no more frogs. 

* * *

"Ack!" Thud. 

Riku awoke with a start as Sora came literally stumbling back into the campsite, his arms overflowing with a random assortment of small, ornate boxes. After Sora had fallen, the boxes had scattered all over, and he was hastily trying to collect them back into a somewhat orderly pile. 

Riku yawned. "Sora, what are all those things? Where did you get them?" 

Sora tapped on the tops of one of the small boxes twice with the end of a stick, and it popped open, revealing a small potion. Sora giggled dumbly and did the same to the next box, which revealed a small piece of metal. He was getting waaay too much of a kick out of this. 

Riku sighed and pressed his question again, also getting Sora's attention by simulteneously thwacking him on the head with his wooden sword. "Yo. Where'd you get these?" 

Sora rubbed his head dejectedly and explained, "I was tryin' to do that whole green ball thing you did earlier. You know, when you hit that animal. 'Cept when I did it to a bird, I got the green balls and all, but one of these little red box things came out of it, too. So, I tried it on fish, an' on weeds, an' on mushrooms, all sorts of stuff. And some of them gave me these box things with neat stuff inside! Why do you think mushrooms carry Mythril Shards?" 

Riku held up the piece of metal and turned it over in his hand, letting it glint the morning sun into his eyes. Squinting, he put it back on the ground, saying, "Dunno. I don't even know what you'd use one of these things for." 

"Yeah, an' I got a lot of 'em, too," said Sora, looking at the contents of his loot. "Couple of 'em even gave me these things," he added, pulling a multi-colored ball out of his pocket. "I tried eatin' one, but it was hard and yucky, and after I touched it, it didn't go away like the green ones." 

He handed it to Riku, who tapped on the offending multi-colored ball curiously. After a moment, he shrugged and annouced, "Eh, maybe you could just sell it. I'm sure there's someone who knows what it is and would like to have it." A sudden, completely unrelated thought suddenly dawned on him. "By the way, where's Kairi?" 

Sora blushed and looked at the ground. "G... girly things again..." 

And "girly things" she was definitely doing. Kairi had gotten a call from Cid in the middle of the night, which she was none too thrilled about. Cid had apologized in his defense, claiming that he didn't know Destiny Island was in a different time zone than Hollow Bastion, but that hadn't made her feel any better. She was missing her beauty sleep. 

"So, have you found the old man or not?" Kairi demanded, trying to straighten out her hair to make herself at least somewhat presentable to the young sceintist on the other end of the line. Just because she was mad at him didn't mean SHE had to look bad as well. 

"Well, yes and no," Cid explained. "I've been able to locate him on several occasions, but he keeps leaping around, and I lose my lock on him each time. I'm still trying to work on a way to get him back, but his signal gets fainter with each leap. If he keeps this up, we may lose contact completely." 

Kairi blew air through her bangs. Men. They were so incompetant. "Well, how 'bout you try to find a way to keep him from 'leaping', and we won't have that problem! Either that or 'leap' me on over to wherever he is and I'll kick his butt!" She only half-paid attention as Cid hurriedly went through the details of why he couldn't possibly do that, and how he wasn't even sure what caused Ansem to leap in the first place, yadda yadda. She figured as much. Even though she was just a kid, she HAD lived with those scientists for a few years, after all, so it was only natural that she had picked up some knowledge in the field. If Ansem's heart ended up fading into oblivion, well, sucks to be him. All that was on Kairi's mind was getting back to the castle, where she had a comfy bed and a big window and servants to wait on her, and NO IRRITATING BOYS! 

Kairi held up a finger to silence Cid's ramble, and interjected, "Cid? Cid, just... go do what you've been doing. I don't care. I'll see you in a bit." Before Cid got the chance to ask just how Kairi would be seeing him in a bit, she slapped her bracelet shut and marched back towards her pack mules, er, friends. They'd have to start double-timing it or they'd never make it to Hollow Bastion in time. 

* * *

"Owwwwhhhhh...." 

This less-than-coherent remark came from Ansem, who was currently laying on his back in what appeared to be a pile of snow. So, did he leap or not? Whatever happened, it certainly was trippy, nonetheless. Flying blues and purples and swirlies... He wondered if the entire ordeal up until this point had just been one big hallucination, and he was just now coming off it. 

"Ciiidd..." he mumbled. "I need coffee... Just bring me the whole pot..." There was no reply. It was completely silent, save for the wind blowing overhead. After a few more minutes of lying there, Ansem decided that the snow was rather cold, so made an effort to sit up. He looked around and noted that he appeared to be on a barren, snow-blown tundra. There were a few mountains in the distance, including a flying one that was held to the ground by a chain. 

Ansem blinked groggily. "Man... not again..." He'd had his fill of flying islands. He stood up and decided to walk in the direction that was NOT towards the floating mountain. He had too much to deal with right now, and didn't need anything else hampering him at this point. 

After walking for a while, he came upon a small, deserted building. All that was in this building was a glowing circle in the center of its floor. He felt decidedly low on energy, but glowing circles on the floor always signified something good, so he decided he might as well try it. Who knows, maybe it was a healing spot. 

Nope. Turned out it was yet ANOTHER portal, and before Ansem could say "Beam me up, Scotty," though I have no idea why he'd say such a thing, he was transported to yet another land. This land was decidedly more inviting than the one he had just left, with ornate buildings, flowing rivers, green grass, clear skies... It was all well and good, except for one thing... 

"WHY THE HELL AM I ON ANOTHER FLYING ISLAND!!" Ansem crumpled down and mourned to himself. Seemed the universe was full of flying islands, even though he'd never seen one up until this whole adventure began. Maybe he just didn't get out enough, and they really were quite common. 

Ansem turned around and staggered into a building. Once he pulled his face off the wall, he decided maybe he should try staggering through the door instead. Once inside, he was greeted by a complete stranger who seemed unusually happy to see him. 

"Oh, you poor thing," she said. "You could use a good recovery. Come, step in this circle on the floor, and your health will be restored." Oh, so THERE'S where the infamous recovery floor tiles were. Silly him. Granted, it's not like he could pass it up, and sure enough, his weary body instantly recovered once he stepped on the ornate tile. His mind, however, was still a little hazy. Guess a guy can't have everything. 

"Are you related to one of the royals, m'lord? You have that regal bearing about you." 

Ansem straightened himself and brushed off his cloak and armor... well, Magus's cloak and armor. At least he still exuded the feel of authority. Smiling smugly to himself, he turned to examine his appearence in the mirror behind him. He furrowed his brows slightly, but wasn't nearly as taken aback as the other times. His white hair had returned, but his skin was deathly pale. The pointed ears were a little weird, and he would have preferred a black cape rather than this reddish-violet one, but all in all, not bad. 

"Vampire king?" 

"That's what I was thinking," Ansem admitted. "But I still have a reflection." He then relized that it was not the random woman who had spoken to him. Turning, he noticed that the woman was staring at him oddly, completely oblivious to Cid standing beside her. 

"Cid!" Ansem said in a monotone, not sure whether he should be angered or relieved. The woman on the other hand, was completely confused, but assumed that perhaps it was normal for the royals to talk to themselves or invisible familiars. All those in Zeal were skilled in magic, after all. 

Cid tapped on his console feverishly, a relieved look on his face. "Thank goodness, your majesty! Ziggy was having quite a difficult time finding you this time around. We kept losing your signal, and I was fearing the worst!" 

Ansem cocked an eyebrow. "Worst? What worst?" He wasn't terribly sure that he wanted to hear it. Cid, on the other hand, wasn't terribly sure that he wanted to say it, especially when there was currently nothing he could do. Yes, if Ansem kept leaping around, his signal would eventually die out completely, but Cid really didn't know what all that would mean. The king's heart's energy, which is what Cid was tracking, was slowly deteriorating with each leap. If his heart's energy were to totally die away... 

"I... was just afraid we wouldn't be able to get your signal back!" Cid explained hurriedly, telling a half-truth. "I've been all over this world looking for you, and you know, they've got some pretty neat stuff. There's this whole underwater palace, and a flying mountain, and a huge flying machine of some sort...!" 

"Cid!" Ansem interrupted. "I don't care! How do I get out of here? I'd like to get back to Hollow Bastion sometime within this lifetime, you know." 

Cid flinched. "Um, well, this is such a nice place, maybe you could, you know, stay here a while and not worry about leaping..." 

"No thanks," Ansem interjected again. He'd had his fill of flying islands and strange bodies, and the last thing he wanted to do was prolong this experience. "Unless there's some reason you don't want me back in Hollow Bastion." 

"Oh, no, sir! It's nothing like that! It's just that, well... with all these stressful and unpredictable situations that you've been thrown into before, I don't know if your heart could take it if you were suddenly somewhere more unfavorable..." 

He had a point, actually, but at the moment, Ansem was willing to risk it. He had been given a clue about the "royals" and how he apparently looked like one, so maybe he should pursue that lead. If anything, he could have Cid spy on them and then blackmail them into helping him. That settled, he marched out the door and made his way towards the palace. 

* * *

Things didn't go quite as Ansem had expected, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Instead of thinking him a charlatan, the royals instead assumed him to be a prophet. Well, whatever floats their boat. He'd gotten on someone's good side for once, though the fact that the royals all seemed to share his dark heart probably helped. Now, just as long as that damned frog didn't show up again... 

It was not to be, however. The spikey redhead, glasses girl, and, yes, the frog, appeared within the castle shortly thereafter. Ansem was thankfully allowed to escape to the Ocean Palace, while the heroes fought random summoned monsters. Honestly, he really didn't want to put up with those types of people anymore. Any spikey-haired boys who dared cross his path in the future... ohhh, he'd give them something to cry about. 

This reprieve, of course, couldn't last forever. The royals were attempting to summon some giant monster that lived in the center of the planet, which Ansem though was a pretty dumb idea, but it wasn't his problem. Getting out of this freaky world, now THAT was his problem. Teleporters seemed to be all the rage here, and he'd lost Cid again immediately after using one. Not that he really minded, since that meant the little voice of compassion would shut up. He didn't need a conscience following him around, anyway. 

Nor did he need those blasted heroes following him around, either. As soon as the Queen summoned her Lavos monster thingy, who should show up but the spikey readhead and his frog. This was getting seriously old. It didn't help that the background had suddenly gone all blue and swirly and trippy again. Please say he was leaping, please say he was leaping... he wasn't leaping. What the heck did it take to get out of here?! Was he going to have to destroy the place again? 

Well, why not? He was screwed anyways. Ansem turned to face the giant hedgehog-looking thing that had popped out of the earth and pulled a scythe out of hammerspace. This Lavos monster certainly looked like it could do some damage, so if he just beat on it a little to get it ticked off, maybe... 

The next thing he new, Ansem was flattened on the ground. That certainly didn't work, and it hurt, to boot. The Queen gloated that Lavos would soon absorb everyone. Ansem realized that "everyone" included the boy and his frog, and he sure as heck didn't want to spend an eternity sharing a monster's body with them. If only he could move... 

Although he couldn't move, the boy still could. Pathetic. The spikey redhead's body was beaten beyond recognition, and there was no way a child could ever have the power to defeat a monster like this. It was a losing battle; the boy should learn when to admit defeat. Instead, the boy wordlessly marched up to Lavos's head and brandished his sword, showing the monster he was still able to fight. Stupid kid... 

The result was as Ansem expected. Lavos sent out a huge beam of energy, easily vaporizing the boy. Ansem stared on in disbelief. He really was a stupid kid. Stupid... to be that selfless... for no reason... Perhaps... 

Ansem squinted at the area the boy had just occupied. Something small and glowing was still floating there, completely oblivious to the destruction around it. Ansem's eyes widened as he exclaimed, "Wait, is that his... heart?!" Before he could get a better look, everything flashed white around him, and he could see no longer. 

* * *

Splash. 

Ansem opened his eyes and was greeted with the clean smell of soap and a fresh ocean breeze coming in through the window. His mind held a mixture of disappointment and relief. He was glad he finally appeared to have leaped again, but it was just when things were starting to get interesting. But these thoughts were slowly fading as he sighed happily and slid back down into the warm bath, completely covered in soft, fluffy bubbles. Perhaps the Universe was being nice to him for a change. He even appeared to have his own manservant to wash his back for him, and a big bowl of cherries to indulge in as he pleased. Life was good. 

That is, until a grey and black animal swung in through the window and landed in the bath with him. Ansem wiped the bubbles out of his face and growled at the newcomer. What was this thing, some sort of tanuki? And it was huge, to boot. Practically the same size as him. 

Unless... there was another reason for them to be the same size... 

As the bubbles floated through the air between them, Ansem caught a glimpse of his reflection in their soapy surface. 

"Woof!" he exclaimed, which translates as, "Oh boy..." 

* * *

* * *

God, I'm evil. But I have a pattern going, which I may or may not explicitly mention at some point. And sorry for the lack of updates, but it's summer and all, and it's my job to slack off, given that I couldn't actually find any other sort of job. Grr. 


End file.
